Siu Kai's Valentine's Day Survival Guide for Singles

Dateless and clueless on how to spend the dreaded Valentine's day alone again? For most singles, 14th Feb is not really a day to cheer about, in fact for some, it could even be the most miserable day of the year!

So, you are stuck at home with no date while your friends have abandoned you to celebrate this special day with their love ones? What to do now you ask. Fret not; Siu Kai is here to help!

The first thing you have to do when V day comes around is to check your calendar which day it falls on. A weekend or weekday?

If it is a weekday, call in to report sick whether you are at school or work. Chances are you wouldn't want to see the millions and millions of couples parading and showing their love openly on the streets. Even the slightest glimpse could send you straight to the depths of hell.

So, Siu Kai's advice here is to stay at home.

You wouldn't be lying to your teacher or bosses anyway. You are indeed sick. Love sick what. Or should I say the-lack-of-love sick?

The next thing you should do is head down to the nearest 7-11 or supermarket to purchase the following items:

1) A 6 pack of any beer. If you can afford a party pack, the better.

2) Chocolates, Ice-cream, Chips, Peanuts and any other junk food you can find.

3) Lots of tissue paper. In fact, buy kitchen towels instead. They are larger and soak up water better.

4) Some sleeping pills. Enough to let you sleep for a few hours but not too much that you may never wake up.

5) Some instant noodles, in case you get hungry.

After buying the above stuffs, make a trip to the nearest video store and rent some VCDs or DVDs. It's going to be a long day pal and you wouldn't want to get bored.

My advice is to choose comedies that can make you forget the sad truth of being single on V-Day. No preferences here but try not to choose “Mr Bean.” Try something more intelligent, something that can stimulate your brain, to distract you from the unhappy thoughts.

Never, never choose anything that has Tom Hanks and Meg Ryans in it. Titles like, “You've got mail, Sleepless in Seattle ” and any other movies that has love in it is a strict no no.

Check with the video guy that there is no romance scenes whatsoever in the video you are renting. Just in case, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Once you are armed with the movie of your choice, it's time to go home. If you want, you can invite some of your other single friends to spend this “Perfect day” with you.

Okay, you're home already? Open up the cans of beer you have just bought. It's time to drown your sorrow.

Wait a minute, I forget that sorrow knows how to swim. Damn. So it would be pointless then. Tell you what, why don't we change to milk instead. It's healthier and calcium makes your bones stronger too.

Go to the fridge and get the milk instead. Got it?

Since you would most probably have hours to spare, let's watch the movies you have rented to kill time. The junk food should be strategically placed next to you so that there would be minimal reasons for you to leave your comfortable couch.

After the movie marathon, it should be close to evening already. Good. We are almost halfway there, just a few more hours to go. Hang in there!

If you are hungry, that's when the instant noodles you've bought will come in handy. Don't bother ordering pizza or other fast foods. They are most likely to have those stupid V Day specials that will make your blood boil.

After dinner, it's time for the most therapeutic stage of this guide. It's time to let your emotions free. Yah, you heard me, it's time to get those tears flowing man, open the dam, let it out.

Go on, shed a tear or two. Cry damn it!

To enhance the mood, pop in your favorite CDs of crappy love ballads. “All out of love by Air Supply and “Right here waiting” by Richard Marx are some of the better choices.

Turn the Hi-Fi to full blast if you need. Ignore the neighbors. They will understand.

Remember the kitchen towels you bought earlier? Use them freely.

Experts all agree that one would feel better if he can express his feelings out, rather than keep it all in.

An hour of non-stop wailing should do the trick. You wouldn't want to cry so much that your eyes get so swollen you friends might think you got beaten up or something.

Now, it's time to sleep… Take a few sleeping pills if you are unable to go to Slumber land. Not too much mind you, being dateless on V Day is not really the end of the world.

Lie on your bed and as the pills start to take its effect, let yourself go. Forget your troubles, forget the worries. You will find your someone soon. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Congratulations! You have just survived Valentine's Day with flying colors!

*Disclaimer: The above article is NOT meant to be taken seriously! NEVER mix sleeping pills with alcohol. It could be lethal. Furthermore, sleeping pills should only be taken with a doctor's prescription.

However, drinking milk is good and you should drink it everyday rather than only on V Day.

The authors wishes to add that though he loves Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's movies, it is strongly not advisable to watch them on V-Day if you are single. It could be lethal too.

Originally published in 2006

Love at first sight: Fact or Fiction?

How often have you heard the saying, “Love at first sight?” Have you heard tales of couples who fell in love with each other the moment their eyes met?

“Oh. It happened to a friend of a friend.”

“When I first saw Shirley, I knew that I had fallen in love.”

Love at first sight. How true is it? Is it really possible for someone to really fall in love with a person with the opposite sex the moment he/she sets his eyes on that person?

In this article, we seek to unravel the mystery and truth behind this phenomenon known as Love at first sight.

Before we delve further, we first have to take a closer look at the definition of “love” and “first sight.”

Firstly, Love. The love we are talking about here is of course romantic love between members of the opposite sex. Of course, in modern society today, sometimes love might also occur between members of the same sex. But we won't be going there.

Webster's dictionary defines love as (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests

Some people claim that when you fall in love, you go weak in the knees, or some swear that you cannot get the person out of your mind when you are in love.

Others feel that love is a sharing of interest and getting to know the person well. While there are some who feels that your life is never complete until you find love.

We may never come to a universal definition of love, just like how George Bush may never find his weapons of mass destructions. But simply put, love can be defined as an emotional bond you share with a member of the opposite sex where you seek to understand, accept, appreciate and show affection to the other party.

Now that we have our definition of “love”, let us take a look at the meaning of first sight. In this case, our first sight would most likely refer to the first glance, the first 10 seconds of setting your gaze upon the other person.

If we directly translate the meanings of “Love” and “First sight”, this popular saying would seem rather ridiculous. How can you possibly share an emotional bond with a person to seek to understand, accept, appreciate and show affection within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone?!

That would be a joke.

Of course, we know that things don't work that way. That would just be playing with words.

Researches have proven that human beings tend to set first impression within the first few seconds of meeting someone. Within those 10 seconds, the person will decide whether he likes you or not. From the way you look, the way you dress and the way you present yourself.

The first impression is made quickly and ruthlessly.

That is why there are professional courses out there to teach you how to make the first impression count.

Could this “Love at first sight” merely be a case of having a good impression of someone within first contact? If that is the case, is it safe to say that you can't fall in love with someone at first sight if the person is physically unattractive and you have a poor impression of?

On the other hand, if the other person is a pretty babe or a handsome hunk, would that mean you have a better chance of falling in love instantly?

In this instance, is that even love we are talking about here or lust?

Some people claim that “Love at first sight” is much deeper than that. It's not just about liking, it's about the feeling and the instant connection you have with the other party.

“When I first set my eyes on her, I knew that she was the girl I wanted to marry.” Is it even possible for that to occur when you don't even know any single bit of detail about the person?

People who fell in love at first sight experience funny feelings where the heart beat faster, they start to be more aware of themselves and suddenly they are very excited.

Why is it that we feel this way?

Perhaps we can get our answer from the way creatures behave in nature.

How do creatures in nature attract each other? They don't fall in love don't they? They merely act upon their instincts. When a potential mate comes along, they will strike. How did our ancestors cavemen fall in love? We don't know but maybe they didn't but just acted upon their instinct.

Could we have inherited this special skill from our primate ancestors? Perhaps evolution simply enhanced this unique ability of ours? The brain sends a signal to the rest of the body to act according when it detects a potential mate?

Maybe we are constantly sending out invisible signals around us. Love at first sight could occur when we received a matching signal from a party of the opposite sex.

Despite the advancement of technology, Scientists are still quite clueless how the human brain works. They believe that this organ of ours is very powerful and have vast potential but most of us are only tapping a small percentage of its ability.

There are people out there who claim to have sixth sense, maybe they were able to tap a bit more of their brain functions. So, perhaps love at first sight is really possible. In those mere seconds of seeing the other person, our brains have already done all the mix and match, the complex calculations and determine that the other person is compatible and a potential mate.

Therefore, subconsciously, we feel that we have fallen in love with that person.

There are a lot of mysteries in the world that are still undiscovered and other topics that are still eagerly debated. Like is there a higher being, GOD? Or does spirits exists?

So far, no one has been able to prove that they exist, yet no one has been able to prove that they don't. Why else would people be coming forward everyday claiming to see spirits of the recently deceased or GOD have spoken to them?

There are things in this world that science cannot explain yet.

Perhaps love at first sight is another of the thing that has no definite answer at the moment.

So the next time you hear a friend say that he/she fell in love at first sight, don't be too skeptical. You never know when it will be your turn to fall in love instantly.

Originally published in 2006

The Art of Dating - Secrets of the Perfect First Date

After missing in action for such a long time, Siu Kai is back to present to you the next part of "The Art of Dating" series - Secrets of the perfect first date.

So, after some time getting to know this girl, you feel that she might just be the right one for you and you would want to ask her out for a first date. But you have no idea how to go about planning it. You've heard story of how first dates go bad and you wouldn't want anything wrong to happen on your perfect day.

Hey, hey, not to worry man, that's what this gem is for. In this article, you will discover the fine secrets of making that first date perfect. :o)

The first thing you have to ask yourself is this. What is the purpose of this date? Most of the time, it would be because you want to get to know her better face to face and if you feel that she's the one, maybe you can arrange for a 2nd date and so forth. Let her see you without "the mask", that is you should be yourself and not try to act like someone whom you are not.

For example, if she is a Arsenal fan and she likes Martin Keown very much and you happened to be a Man U fan, don't blindly say that you support that guy too. It would not be good in the long term. Instead, you should be truthful and say, I hope that piece of crap get suspended for what he did to Ruud. Ha. :op

Okay, now that you are clear why you want to meet her, the 2nd question that should be on your mind is where the hell should you go. You wouldn't want to meet her at the MRT Station and then decide from there, worse ask her where she would like to go at the last minute. Most girls like guys to be decisive and be in control. Of course, there are exceptions.

The perfect first date should be planned way before hand, maybe one or two months earlier. In fact, you should start planning for your first date the moment you set your eyes on her. Ha. Just kidding lah.

Let's say you're asking her out on a Saturday. By right, you should have already pop the question on Monday and she would have given you an answer by Wednesday. So, where should you go on a first date? Well, there are quite a few choices, like going to concerts, watching a movie, shopping or just hang out at Coffeebean.: o) Well, why not have a little of each then?

First, ask her out to watch a movie. Ask her what she would like to watch. If she says she wants to watch Finding Nemo but really you would rather watch half naked men laying the smackdown on one another than a talking fish, it's up to you whether you want to go with her choice. The most sensible option here is to watch the fish lah, you can always watch half naked men some other time right? This is a date with a girl you like remember?

However, if she says she has no idea what to watch, just choose the latest blockbuster that is showing at the theaters. But make sure she likes that type of movie. If she is frightened by the dark, don't get her to watch Ju-On with you. She would most probably faint and you have to spend the better half of the date at the hospital! You get the point right?

After you decided on the movie, the next thing is to book the tickets. Imagine the disappointment when you reach the cinema and the words, "Sold Out" stare you right in the face. That wouldn't be too nice right?

For the actual day itself, you should wake up early, not that you would be able to sleep well in the first place due to the excitement. If you find yourself unable to sleep, go for a jog in the morning. It will keep you alert and when one is alert, he feels more confident.

Go one or two hours early to collect the tickets. The buffer time is also in case of any screw-ups. Really, you would not want to be late for your first date. With the extra time to spare, you can also do things at your own pace instead of rushing. When you rush, you tend to sweat. You wouldn't want to smell like shit when you meet her right? Imagine if she smells like fresh roses while you stinks…Duh?! You get the point?

Talking about scent, it would be advisable if you put on some deodorant of cologne to mask that body odor of yours. Ha. Just don't over do it.

Finally, you look at your watch and it reads 2pm. Any moment now, she will be here. Then, you caught sight of her walking towards you, smiling. Smile back and say hi. If she says, "Hey, you're early. Sorry I made you wait." You should reply, "No lah, I just came about 10 minutes ago." Of course, we all know you have been waiting since the early morning. :o)

After some casual talk, ask her whether she has eaten. If she has, suggest going window-shopping. If not, ask her whether she would want to grab a quick bite. The choice of where to eat would be yours. Choose a place that is less crowded so you won't have such a hard time finding seats and also you can hear each other while talking.

Now the one question, do you offer to help her buy food? If you are at a fast food restaurant, you should. But what if you are at a foodcourt? There are 2 choices here. Either you order the same food as her, thus you can find a reason for ordering for her or you let her order herself. Who should pay? Well, once again either you guys go dutch or you offer to treat her this time and maybe she can treat you another time. Another excuse for a second date!

If your food arrives first, don't just start gorging as if you have not eaten for ages, it's only polite that you wait for her order to come too. And one more thing, never talk while you are eating. This also applies to when she is eating. How the hell do you expect her to answer you when her mouth is full of food? Have you ever been in a situation when you are trying hard to chew your food because someone just asked you a question while you are eating halfway? Not really nice right?

After the light lunch, if you still have some time to spare, go shop around. Maybe if you happen to see something interesting and nice yet would not leave a hole in your pocket, you can buy it for her as a first date gift.

Okay, now it's time to watch the movie. Before you enter the theater, make sure you have 2 of the following items with you. No, not popcorn or pepsi. But rather a jacket/coat and a packet of tissue. A jacket is when she feels cold, you can offer her the jacket to keep her warm…ah…so nice right? :o) The tissue paper comes in handy when you are watching movies that has a high potential of making her cry, think Titanic. It has a secondary purpose too, in case you need to shit and there's no paper in the toilet! Ha.

Now, when the light dims, one important thing to take note, keep those hands to yourself! And watch the movie for goodness sake, not stare at her throughout the movie! Ha. The next one and a half or two hours would be the most wasteful time of the entire date…but hang in there okay?

After movie, dinner lah. Ha, eat all day must be pigs lah? If she says she's till quite full from the lunch earlier, offer to have a drink instead. This time, don't go to any fastfood restaurant, in fact avoid the crowd. Choose a quieter place where you can just sit down and talk over a cup of coffee or something.

Remember the movie you just watched? Well, you can discuss about it with her. But mind you, don't ask her questions which you know will only result in one word answer like, How did you find the movie?" She would most certainly say, "Okay loh." Instead, ask intelligent questions that would prompt a discussion, like, "Don't you think that bitch was a bit too selfish, leaving that poor chap to freeze to death in the cold ocean?" Ha.

While talking, get to know her better. Never mind if there are lots of people queuing up waiting for seats. To hell with them! Ha. That's the reason why you should choose less crowded places. So that you can talk to her for hours and not worry about being chased away.

At the end of the date, tell her that you really enjoyed yourself and ask her whether she did. Most girls would say yes, even if it was a torture being with you. Ha.

Seriously, if you had followed all the secrets taught she would gladly wants a second date with you. Heck, maybe you were so good that she would ask you for a second date on the spot! Okay guys, dream on. Ha.

Take the opportunity to ask her when you might see her again. If your first date was a success, she would most probably say next week. Tell her you will call her again and offer to send her home.

Most certainly, she would decline. If that's the case, at least walk her to the bus stop or MRT station lah.

Say one last goodbye and wish her goodnight. No goodnight kiss yet, don't rush things. After leaving, sms her, thanking her for making your day such a perfect one.

Finally, to end the perfect first date, you can either call her or sms her to check whether she has reached home safely. After that, wish her sweet dreams and she would most likely say, "You too."

Ha. I bet you will be having lots of that don't you, you lucky bastard! "o)

Originally published in 2006