Siu Kai's Valentine's Day Survival Guide for Singles

Dateless and clueless on how to spend the dreaded Valentine's day alone again? For most singles, 14th Feb is not really a day to cheer about, in fact for some, it could even be the most miserable day of the year!

So, you are stuck at home with no date while your friends have abandoned you to celebrate this special day with their love ones? What to do now you ask. Fret not; Siu Kai is here to help!

The first thing you have to do when V day comes around is to check your calendar which day it falls on. A weekend or weekday?

If it is a weekday, call in to report sick whether you are at school or work. Chances are you wouldn't want to see the millions and millions of couples parading and showing their love openly on the streets. Even the slightest glimpse could send you straight to the depths of hell.

So, Siu Kai's advice here is to stay at home.

You wouldn't be lying to your teacher or bosses anyway. You are indeed sick. Love sick what. Or should I say the-lack-of-love sick?

The next thing you should do is head down to the nearest 7-11 or supermarket to purchase the following items:

1) A 6 pack of any beer. If you can afford a party pack, the better.

2) Chocolates, Ice-cream, Chips, Peanuts and any other junk food you can find.

3) Lots of tissue paper. In fact, buy kitchen towels instead. They are larger and soak up water better.

4) Some sleeping pills. Enough to let you sleep for a few hours but not too much that you may never wake up.

5) Some instant noodles, in case you get hungry.

After buying the above stuffs, make a trip to the nearest video store and rent some VCDs or DVDs. It's going to be a long day pal and you wouldn't want to get bored.

My advice is to choose comedies that can make you forget the sad truth of being single on V-Day. No preferences here but try not to choose “Mr Bean.” Try something more intelligent, something that can stimulate your brain, to distract you from the unhappy thoughts.

Never, never choose anything that has Tom Hanks and Meg Ryans in it. Titles like, “You've got mail, Sleepless in Seattle ” and any other movies that has love in it is a strict no no.

Check with the video guy that there is no romance scenes whatsoever in the video you are renting. Just in case, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Once you are armed with the movie of your choice, it's time to go home. If you want, you can invite some of your other single friends to spend this “Perfect day” with you.

Okay, you're home already? Open up the cans of beer you have just bought. It's time to drown your sorrow.

Wait a minute, I forget that sorrow knows how to swim. Damn. So it would be pointless then. Tell you what, why don't we change to milk instead. It's healthier and calcium makes your bones stronger too.

Go to the fridge and get the milk instead. Got it?

Since you would most probably have hours to spare, let's watch the movies you have rented to kill time. The junk food should be strategically placed next to you so that there would be minimal reasons for you to leave your comfortable couch.

After the movie marathon, it should be close to evening already. Good. We are almost halfway there, just a few more hours to go. Hang in there!

If you are hungry, that's when the instant noodles you've bought will come in handy. Don't bother ordering pizza or other fast foods. They are most likely to have those stupid V Day specials that will make your blood boil.

After dinner, it's time for the most therapeutic stage of this guide. It's time to let your emotions free. Yah, you heard me, it's time to get those tears flowing man, open the dam, let it out.

Go on, shed a tear or two. Cry damn it!

To enhance the mood, pop in your favorite CDs of crappy love ballads. “All out of love by Air Supply and “Right here waiting” by Richard Marx are some of the better choices.

Turn the Hi-Fi to full blast if you need. Ignore the neighbors. They will understand.

Remember the kitchen towels you bought earlier? Use them freely.

Experts all agree that one would feel better if he can express his feelings out, rather than keep it all in.

An hour of non-stop wailing should do the trick. You wouldn't want to cry so much that your eyes get so swollen you friends might think you got beaten up or something.

Now, it's time to sleep… Take a few sleeping pills if you are unable to go to Slumber land. Not too much mind you, being dateless on V Day is not really the end of the world.

Lie on your bed and as the pills start to take its effect, let yourself go. Forget your troubles, forget the worries. You will find your someone soon. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Congratulations! You have just survived Valentine's Day with flying colors!

*Disclaimer: The above article is NOT meant to be taken seriously! NEVER mix sleeping pills with alcohol. It could be lethal. Furthermore, sleeping pills should only be taken with a doctor's prescription.

However, drinking milk is good and you should drink it everyday rather than only on V Day.

The authors wishes to add that though he loves Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's movies, it is strongly not advisable to watch them on V-Day if you are single. It could be lethal too.

Originally published in 2006