The Chicken & The Duck

A newly married couple went for a walk together in a wood. They were having a wonderful time until they heard a sound in the distance:

"Quack! Quack!"

Wife said: "That must be a chicken"

Husband said: "No, that was a duck"

Wife said: "No, I'm sure that was a chicken"

Husband said with some irritation: "Impossible. Chickens go 'cock-a-doodle-doo', ducks go 'quack quack'. That is a duck"

The sound went "Quack! Quack!" again.

Husband: "See, it IS A DUCK"

Wife: "No dear, I am positive that it is a chicken"

They carried on the debate for a short while and the husband grew impatient and almost raised his voice and the wife was almost in tears.

The husband saw the tears welling up in his wife's eyes and, at last, remembered why he had married her. His face softened and he said gently, "Sorry darling, I think you must be right. That is a chicken".

"Thank you darling," she said and squeezed his hand."Quack! Quack!" came the sound through the woods and they continued their walk together in love.

*Moral of the story*

Does it really matter whether it was a chicken or a duck? What was more important was their harmony together, and that they enjoyed their walk.

How many marriages are broken over matters? How many divorces cite "chicken and duck" stuff? When you understand the story, you will remember your priorities.

The marriage (or relationship) is more important than being right about whether it is a duck or chicken. And besides, how many times have we been absolutely sure that we are right, only to find out later than we were in fact totally wrong?

Who knows? That could have been a genetically modified chicken made to sound like a duck!

(Taken from a blog somewhere in the worldwide web)

The Art of Dating - Secrets of holding her hands

Holding of a partner's hand is an important stage in the courtship process.

For the guy, holding the female's hand means he is telling her that he is willing to take care of her forever. And if the girl doesn't take her hand away, it is a signal to the guy that she has accepted his proposal.

The holding of the hand can be seen as the very last milestone in a courtship. We all know what happens next after a couple hold hands right?

Of course they officially become boyfriend and girlfriend.

It is like a mutual agreement between the two parties involved to commit to this relationship.

Though it might look easy to just reach out and grab the hand of the opposite sex, there is in fact more than meets the eye.

One have to consider the various factors like the environment, mental states of both persons, the length of time to hold and even like the amount of pressure to exert on the hand!

It is not rocket science but it's still an art. Therefore the need for this guide.

Are you a guy who is fast approaching the finishing line and need that extra push? Perhaps you feel that it's time that you hold your female friend's hand and bring your relationship to the next level.

But how can you be sure that this is the moment, most importantly how do you react if she rejects you and pulls her hands away?

This gem here will teach you how to increase your chances of holding her hands successfully and the best ways to handle rejections in the worse case scenarios.

Before we begin, let us first try to understand women a bit more. Though some might laugh at this idea; You can NEVER understand women. Let's at least try here shall we?

First of all, most women are shy and passive creatures, meaning you should never expect her to make the first move when it comes to the holding of the hands. It is like expecting Liverpool to win the English Premier League anytime soon.

Though not impossible but this only happens in rare instances, so don't count on that happening to you.

However, female are intelligent and they might send out subtle hints to the guy that the time is ripe to hold her hands. So guys, look out for these tell-tale signs.

1) While rubbing her hands together, she will constantly say that her hands are cold.

2) She will place her hands in a favorable position, close to you while you are walking side by side. This is to make it easier for you to reach out to grab those hands.

3) She will comment on how her hands look very empty. Beware though cause this might also mean she is hinting you to buy her a ring!

There is no sure way to gauge when it is the right time, it's about the feeling. Once you are quite certain that she will accept the invitation to be your girlfriend, it's time to proceed to the real secrets, how to go about holding those precious hands.

There are a lot of ways to achieve the goal. Some people prefers to be straight forward and grab her hands right smack in the middle of the road, while some prefer to slowly build up the atmosphere and surprise her with the grand finale.

I will provide a few suggestions here and it's up to you to choose which works best for you.

The Traffic lights

This is one of the more strategic methods. Here's how it works. While crossing the road, you grip her hands. The timing is very crucial here. You should only cross when the green men is blinking.

In your “hurry”, you hold her hands to ensure that she would arrive at the other side of the road safety with you.

If she doesn't let go of your hands after you guys have crossed the road, Congratulations! You have succeeded!

If she pulls her hands away and stare at you in shock, apologize and explained that in the rush just now, you forget and just grabbed her hands. Most girls should understand.

Remember to only cross the road when the green man is flashing. Between being held by a jerk and being knocked down by a car, most girls would choose the former.

The Magic trick

Tell her that you have learnt a new magic trick and want to show her. But she would have to lend you something, her pair of hands. Think up of a routine yourself, nothing too fanciful or complicated.

After the finale of the “trick”, hold her hands together with yours and look lovingly into her eyes. Remember it's lovingly NOT lustfully.

Depending on the girl, it might take a few seconds to minutes before she realizes your real meaning.

If the girl looks back at you, smiles and then turn shyly away, all the while still holding your hands. You have done it again!

But if she stares back at you after a few minutes have passed then ask, “Hey, when will this stupid trick end? My hands are feeling a bit numb.” Most probably she did not understand what you are trying to do or she has rejected your proposal.

Let go of her hands and declare that the trick is over. You would most likely get a puzzled look but there's always the next secret to work on.

The Movie

Most guys would prefer to hold the girl's hand in a more discreet manner and what better way to do it than in the cinema. It's dark, she's strategically seated next to you, and the others would be engrossed in watching the movie, leaving you with the perfect opportunity.

The choice of the movie here is quite important mind you. Most of you might consider watching a romantic movie to build up the atmosphere. That would be a fatal mistake!

Instead, choose a horror movie.

Why? So that if she screams in disapproval when you attempt to hold her hands, at least the people in the cinema would think that she is screaming at the movie!

The last resort – Just do it!

If you are not the beat around the bush type of guy, the previous tactics might not appeal to you. You want to be more direct, more straightforward. Alright, then just grab her hands while you are walking down the street.

But you must have utmost confidence in yourself if you choose to employ this tactic or else the consequences might be disastrous!

If she jerks her hands off yours and stare at you with hatred straight from hell and demand an explanation for your actions, for goodness sake think of something creative.

Never say that you saw a mosquito on her hand and was merely trying to kill it. That would just give her the perfect excuse to slap your face and claim that she was trying to get the same bug!

Here are some excuses you can try.

1) Sorry. I forget to take medicine today.

2) Huh? What happened? (Pretend to have been possessed by Satan a few moments ago.)

3) Smile and say Happy April's Fools. (Can only be used on 1st April)

Before we go, here are just a few more reminders.

1) Always wash your hands before you attempt the solutions, especially if you just got back from the toilet.

2) I know you might get too nervous but never hold her hand so hard that it becomes blue or worse break. You wouldn't want your new girlfriend to suffer a fractured hand because of you!

3) Don't rush things, wait for the right moment. You want the first time to be the most perfect.

Last but not least, here is one line that will melt any girl's heart. You can try saying this, “I'm not rich or anything and I have sweaty palms but are you willing to hold these hands and be with me?”

But if you are rich AND have sweaty palms, say this instead.

“I AM rich and HAVE everything INCLUDING sweaty palms. Are you willing to hold these hands and be with me?”

Good luck!

Originally published in 2006

Siu Kai's Valentine's Day Survival Guide for Singles

Dateless and clueless on how to spend the dreaded Valentine's day alone again? For most singles, 14th Feb is not really a day to cheer about, in fact for some, it could even be the most miserable day of the year!

So, you are stuck at home with no date while your friends have abandoned you to celebrate this special day with their love ones? What to do now you ask. Fret not; Siu Kai is here to help!

The first thing you have to do when V day comes around is to check your calendar which day it falls on. A weekend or weekday?

If it is a weekday, call in to report sick whether you are at school or work. Chances are you wouldn't want to see the millions and millions of couples parading and showing their love openly on the streets. Even the slightest glimpse could send you straight to the depths of hell.

So, Siu Kai's advice here is to stay at home.

You wouldn't be lying to your teacher or bosses anyway. You are indeed sick. Love sick what. Or should I say the-lack-of-love sick?

The next thing you should do is head down to the nearest 7-11 or supermarket to purchase the following items:

1) A 6 pack of any beer. If you can afford a party pack, the better.

2) Chocolates, Ice-cream, Chips, Peanuts and any other junk food you can find.

3) Lots of tissue paper. In fact, buy kitchen towels instead. They are larger and soak up water better.

4) Some sleeping pills. Enough to let you sleep for a few hours but not too much that you may never wake up.

5) Some instant noodles, in case you get hungry.

After buying the above stuffs, make a trip to the nearest video store and rent some VCDs or DVDs. It's going to be a long day pal and you wouldn't want to get bored.

My advice is to choose comedies that can make you forget the sad truth of being single on V-Day. No preferences here but try not to choose “Mr Bean.” Try something more intelligent, something that can stimulate your brain, to distract you from the unhappy thoughts.

Never, never choose anything that has Tom Hanks and Meg Ryans in it. Titles like, “You've got mail, Sleepless in Seattle ” and any other movies that has love in it is a strict no no.

Check with the video guy that there is no romance scenes whatsoever in the video you are renting. Just in case, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Once you are armed with the movie of your choice, it's time to go home. If you want, you can invite some of your other single friends to spend this “Perfect day” with you.

Okay, you're home already? Open up the cans of beer you have just bought. It's time to drown your sorrow.

Wait a minute, I forget that sorrow knows how to swim. Damn. So it would be pointless then. Tell you what, why don't we change to milk instead. It's healthier and calcium makes your bones stronger too.

Go to the fridge and get the milk instead. Got it?

Since you would most probably have hours to spare, let's watch the movies you have rented to kill time. The junk food should be strategically placed next to you so that there would be minimal reasons for you to leave your comfortable couch.

After the movie marathon, it should be close to evening already. Good. We are almost halfway there, just a few more hours to go. Hang in there!

If you are hungry, that's when the instant noodles you've bought will come in handy. Don't bother ordering pizza or other fast foods. They are most likely to have those stupid V Day specials that will make your blood boil.

After dinner, it's time for the most therapeutic stage of this guide. It's time to let your emotions free. Yah, you heard me, it's time to get those tears flowing man, open the dam, let it out.

Go on, shed a tear or two. Cry damn it!

To enhance the mood, pop in your favorite CDs of crappy love ballads. “All out of love by Air Supply and “Right here waiting” by Richard Marx are some of the better choices.

Turn the Hi-Fi to full blast if you need. Ignore the neighbors. They will understand.

Remember the kitchen towels you bought earlier? Use them freely.

Experts all agree that one would feel better if he can express his feelings out, rather than keep it all in.

An hour of non-stop wailing should do the trick. You wouldn't want to cry so much that your eyes get so swollen you friends might think you got beaten up or something.

Now, it's time to sleep… Take a few sleeping pills if you are unable to go to Slumber land. Not too much mind you, being dateless on V Day is not really the end of the world.

Lie on your bed and as the pills start to take its effect, let yourself go. Forget your troubles, forget the worries. You will find your someone soon. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Congratulations! You have just survived Valentine's Day with flying colors!

*Disclaimer: The above article is NOT meant to be taken seriously! NEVER mix sleeping pills with alcohol. It could be lethal. Furthermore, sleeping pills should only be taken with a doctor's prescription.

However, drinking milk is good and you should drink it everyday rather than only on V Day.

The authors wishes to add that though he loves Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan's movies, it is strongly not advisable to watch them on V-Day if you are single. It could be lethal too.

Originally published in 2006